Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s DayIf you read my Rugged Rant about Christmas and why I think it’s just a bunch of bullshit, you’ll get my Valentine’s rant without even having to read it.

Same thing… just an over-commercialized farce.

I’ve never been one to do something just because other people do it. To say that I often go against the grain would be an understatement. I completely ignore Valentine’s Day. That’s right… no flowers, no chocolates and no stupid stuffed animals. And, no I am not single. And, what’s very convenient is that “my woman” feels the same way about all this as I do. When we first got together, we started talking about some of this stuff and I remember her telling me, “If you buy me a stupid box of heart shaped chocolates or a goddam stuffed animal on Valentine’s Day, I’m going to kick you right in the balls!” Well, I thought that was perfect… I can avoid wasting money on some stupid crap and – I can NOT have my “balls” kicked all at the same time.

I think any man out there would be in favour of such an arrangement. That’s like her saying, “If you eat this last piece of apple pie, I’ll buy you that new shotgun you’ve been looking at.” Hell ya!

Okay, so why do I hate Valentine’s Day? Go back up to the part about me “going against the grain.” I do not do things because I think I’m supposed to, or because something is expected of me. Really, this is Christmas all over again, as are most of the so-called holidays and special dates on the calendar. It’s all about money. Money, money, money and more goddam money. If you need to bring your woman or man chocolates or flowers on the same day that everyone else does just to show that you “love” her, then your relationship is gone for a shit. It’s that simple.

How about this for a plan? Instead of bringing gifts or going out for a “special” dinner on February 14th, surprise her and do some random nice things throughout the year when NO ONE ELSE IS and – for no reason in particular. I know this guy back in Thunder Bay who ALWAYS buys his wife a pile of useless shit on Valentine’s Day. He probably spends a few hundred bucks on her, including a nice dinner. I asked him why he does this. “Well, if I don’t get the old lady something, she’ll just bitch at me.” Wow! I’m sure glad that his “old lady” isn’t my “old lady.” If she was, I’d lock her in the outhouse and leave her there until she learned some manners. And, if that didn’t work, I’d push her down the hole and nail a few boards over top of it. Then, I’d go out and marry a goddam pick up truck… four wheel drive, high beams, leather seats and a nice warm tailpipe. I’d be able to “ride” her whenever I wanted to…

Hey, you want a few laughs? This year on February 14th, go to your local Wal Mart, Shoppers Drug Mart or some other place that sells Valentine’s Day cards. Go there about 5pm or so when all the dudes are off work for the day and on their way home to see the “old lady.” You’ll see about 15 or 20 guys, wearing jeans and bush jackets, Cat Diesel Fuel ball caps and the pre-requisite pack of smokes in the top pocket. They’ll all be standing there, staring at “the big wall” of cards with a scared “shitless” look on their face… barely moving, almost like they’re caught in some kind of bizarre, futuristic force field or something. I swear, some of these guys must just close their eyes and pick one!
Screw Valentine’s Day. Save your money. Stay home, make a nice dinner, watch a movie and relax. Now, remember… some day in July… or September… or January… or October… or… or… or… do something nice then. But, not on the same day as everyone else is because you think you’re supposed to.

Grow some balls. Or, if you’re a chick… grow some… um… uh…. Um, hey, what is the female equivalent of “grow some balls,” anyway?

Does anyone know?

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