Salsa & Guacamole

Okay, this one is one of those “don’t bother measuring anything” recipes.  So, does that strategy no longer make it a recipe?  Maybe… probably, I guess.  Ah, who gives a shit?  Just make it and eat.  It’s actually good for you.  And, you really don’t need any salt in any of it.  Use your brain for the amounts of this or that.  Just wing it, baby!

Salsa & Guacamole


In a medium sized bowl, add small diced tomatoes, onions, peppers of whatever kind turn you on the most, black olives, corn, cilantro, a touch of salt and coarse, black pepper, chilli powder, ground cumin.  Mix all this stuff together… then add a splash of your favourite hot sauce and a good swig of lime juice. Taste  it and see where you stand.   Done.


I normally use three or four avocados.  Halve them lengthwise using a chef knife.  If you’re right handed, place the avocado in the palm of your left hand, loosely.  (Keep your goddam fingers out of the way!)  Then, cut into it gently, not going deep enough to cut into the large pit that’s in the centre.  Slowly turn the knife and left hand so the blade rotates around the avocado.  Pull the two halves apart… the pit should stay in one of the halves.  Use your knife and gently tap it so the blade sticks in the pit.  Twist it now and the pit should pop out.  Throw it out, or if you’re really pissed off at someone in your kitchen (like your husband!) throw the pit at him.  Nail ‘em right square in the head!

Use a spoon and scoop out the flesh into the bowl.  Now, fine dice a couple cloves of garlic, some onion or shallots, a handful of chopped cilantro, a touch of salt and pepper, and of course, some lime juice.  Some people like to add some diced tomato.  Roma tomatoes (plumb) are a good choice.  Mash all this up.  A pastry cutter works well, if not use a fork. Taste it and see where you stand.

That’s it… now take the bowl of salsa, the bowl of guacamole… a huge-ass bag of nacho chips… and go hide in the garage.  Tell everyone else to go to hell.

“Pound ‘er down!”

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